We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
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My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
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He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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