Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize