i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
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The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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