Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize