some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize