i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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