Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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