i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
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I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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