so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
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She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
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You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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