Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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