Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
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I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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