im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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