I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
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Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
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BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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