Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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