I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
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The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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