worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
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Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
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wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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