I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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