Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The dick lei will go down in squad history
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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