I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
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1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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