Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
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We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
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Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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