john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
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I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
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