I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize