dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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