i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize