Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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