jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
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I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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