Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
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Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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