I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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