Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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