before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
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I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
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We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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