i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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