What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have aggressive nipples.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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