I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize