I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize