he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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