dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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