I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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