i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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