just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
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I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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