I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
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Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
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Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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