you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
