filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize