I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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