He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize