I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
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I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
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Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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