Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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