so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
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I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
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He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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