Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize