It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize