I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
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did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
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I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Watching her eat just hurts me
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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